Madison, WI

As they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in I was Wisconsin, I did as the badgers do and ate unhealthy amounts of dairy.

I checked into my hostel in the late afternoon when the sun beat down its fiercest, and sat down in front of a large fan to cool off. Sitting quickly became napping as I was tired from traveling and didn't feel like going up against the oppressive high 80s outdoor heat. Feeling refreshed from my snooze an hour later, I wandered through downtown Madison. For my first dairy indulgence, I stopped at Chocolate Shoppe Ice Cream on state street. Their slogan says it all: "Nutritional Information: Don't even ask. This is the best ice cream made in Wisconsin, and it tastes so good because it has gobs of rich Wisconsin cream, tons of real ingredients for boat-loads of luscious flavors. That means it's not low-fat, low-calorie or low-anything, and that's why everyone loves it. You want nutrition, eat carrots. They even have individual sized caffeinated ice creams that are the equivalent of a energy drink. Go big or go home, and go big I did indeed. I took a double scoop of the heaps of love flavor (Oreos, brownies, cookie dough, caramel ripple, pecans and chocolate ripple all packed into vanilla ice cream) in a waffle cone. Those two globes of delight were by far the creamiest richest ice cream I had ever had. Each of the fillings complimented one another perfectly creating an unbelievably delicious treat. If you want to check out more of their flavors and actual pictures of ice cream you can visit their website here: http://www.chocolateshoppeicecream.com/


While walking back from my blissful ice cream experience I was accosted by two men wearing full body costumes, one of a bright feathery chicken and the other of a grey donkey, announcing that a two dollar comedy show was starting in thirty minutes. Always a fan of stand-up, I told them I was off to dinner but I would most certainly be back in time for the show. I quickened my pace in the direction of the Great Dane, a pub that had been personally recommended to my by my friend Kinsley whom I had run into in Minneapolis.


The Great Dane sported the perfect balance of old school charm and new age sleek interior. I sat down with the young clientele a the bar and ordered my first ever batch of cheese curds. The menu advertised that they received daily shipments of cheese and that the curds I was about to eat had been freshly prepared that morning. I was able to keep my mind off of the incoming curds because the bar's TVs were showing the recent ultimate nationals semi finals game between Oregon and Wisconsin. The games had happened over a month before, but that didn't stop four or five different Wisonsin ultimate players from stopping in to watch themselves on ESPN2. I was able to spot them from their 5 ultimate athletic shorts and the obscure Hodag (the Wisconsin ultimate mascot) references on their homemade shirts. The game ended with Wisconsin moving on to the finals where they would ultimately lose (pun intended). My cheese curds arrived shortly thereafter and I dug in ravenously. They were well battered leaving a crispy finish to the gooey, melty Wisconsin cheddar inside. I dunked them in the ranch sauce that they were paired with and cooled off my mouth in between bites with the fresh brown ale I had ordered. After my first encounter with beer and curds I knew that I had made the right decision in coming to Wisconsin.


Laden down with cholesterol and alcohol, I waddled back to the comedy club in time to catch the open mic show. While most of the comics were rough around the edges with constant streams of "um"s and nervous peaks at the cheat sheets they had scribbled on their hands, the jokes were surprisingly very funny. My favorite one involved a comic comparing his experience with online dating to the average trip to Denny's: You know you just kinda show up at three in the morning, drunk, and you think to yourself, "well I guess this is happening." Then you sit down and there are a bunch of pictures of things that look pretty good so you point to one and say "I want that." Then when you are presented with what you thought you had ordered, it kind of resembles something that was in the original picture, but not really. And you're thinking to yourself, "That stack of pancakes is like 5'2" in heels at best". By the end of the night you're out twenty bucks and just plain disappointed with yourself as a person. After the show I walked home and plopped into bed exhausted from the long day.


The next morning I was rudely awoken by the noxious fumes of a Lysol can. One of the other hostelers in my room, an older gentleman in his early sixties, was meticulously aerosoling his entire bed and all of his possessions with round after round of Lysol spray. This mind you was all happening about 10 feet away in an enclosed space with very little ventilation. Still in somewhat of a daze from my slumber I awkwardly berated him and told him that if he could use all the Lysol he wanted, just not in the room. He grumpily sulked away and resumed his disinfection as soon as he had cleared the doorway. Not wanting to sit in bath of Lysol vapors that had accumulated in the room, I quickly dressed and walked upstairs for breakfast. After breakfast, I loaded all my belongings back into Roy, and we headed off to the source of Wisconsin's power, the dairy.

Too much good cheese

A short period of internet research led me to the Carr Valley Cheese factory in Mauston, WI. The trip involved a minor bit of backtracking, but when you do dairy, you have to do it right. The factory was housed within an older German style building complete with red shutters and classic brown framing. When I arrived and asked for the tour I was brought over to the corner of the store where an old television had been set up with a pre-recorded tape. Confused, I asked whether there would be an actual tour of the inside of the factory and I the head cheese maker sadly informed me that due to new stricter food regulations that no cheese factories were allowed to give live tours anymore. There was a viewing deck next to the TV from which I could see the cheese making process in its various stages while I followed along during the video tour. The DVD proved to be extremely hokey and most likely made in the early 90s judging from the people's outdated clothing, yet oddly informative. I learned that cheese curds never go through the aging process which gives them their rubbery texture when uncooked and extremely gooey texture when deep fried. After the video tour, I took full advantage of the free samples they provided and tried over 10 different kinds of Wisconsin cheese. Not surprisingly they were all incredibly delicious in their own way. I noticed that about 90% of the cheeses they were selling in the store had little blue ribbons and the cheese maker informed me that the blue ribbons indicated that the cheese had won first place in an international cheese competition. In the end I bought 4 different cheeses including a 10 year aged cheddar (literally the best cheese I have ever had) and a jar of mixed berry jam. On full dairy overload, Roy and I continued on towards our destiny. Next stop, Chicago.